What you leave behind
by love-carby
Summary: Carter Susan and Abby as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves? Chapter 6 is up!
1. chapter 1

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves._

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

_…………………………_

"No mom, I don't want to leave!"

"You have no choice.. I don't want to live here anymore so we're moving. I took care of everything; we're leaving this afternoon"

"But what about my school? What about my friends?"

"I'm sure they have schools in Minnesota and you'll make new friends.."

"Mom, I don't want to go!"

"Too bad! I made up my mind. No discussion. And now go packing; you are giving me a headache."

…………………………

"I hate her" Abby said to her friend Susan. They were sitting in Susan room on her bed, and Abby had just told Susan that she was moving. To Minnesota none the less; not exactly around the corner.

"I don't get why you have to move" Susan said with a sad face. "Hey, maybe you can come live with me. I mean, I've known you since forever and it would be so great.."

"No, I can't leave Eric. My mom can't take care of him, so I'll just-" she took a breath "I'll just have to go"

"It's not fair" Susan said, with a pouting face.

"No, it's not. But luckily we have msn and cell phones, so we can talk every day. You probably won't even know I have left. Besides, you still have Sam, and John.." then she fell silent.

Susan looked at her understandingly. She knew Abby had liked John for a long time now and how excited Abby was for the school dance in two weeks. It was Abby's chance to dance with John and it was all she could talk about for the past 2 weeks. Susan knows John likes Abby too, but she was sworn to secrecy by both of them so she couldn't tell either of them.

"Are you going to tell him you're leaving in like, 2 hours?" Susan asked, as she checked her watch.

"I don't know. I don't know if I can.." Abby said, finding Susan's bed spray very interesting right now, tracing the pattern with her finger. "You think you can tell him for me?" She looked up at Susan and Susan saw a tear rolling from Abby's eyes down her cheek.

"Sure, I can tell him, but I think it'll be better coming from you, so you can say goodbye and –"

"No, that's the point; I don't think I can say goodbye to him-" and then she started sobbing. She put her head in her hands and let the tears fall freely. "I just don't want to go!" she sobbed.

Susan put an arm around Abby and Abby laid her head on her best friends shoulder. They've been best friends since kindergarten and Abby couldn't imagine her live without Susan in it. Susan always made her laugh, even if she felt bad about something at home, or when she felt very lonely when her mom had left again and Abby had to play mom for Eric. Susan then would come over and they took care of Eric together and watched a movie or something like that. Susan made her live bearable. But what should she do in Minnesota if something like that happened? She had no friends there. Her only company would be her 8 year old brother Eric, and that's not really fun for a 16 year old girl.

Abby was shaken out of her reverie when Susan started talking again.

"Do you need any help packing?"

"No, I think I can manage, but thanks." Abby smiled a sad smile at her friend and then left to go home. Susan walked her to the door.

"I'll come to say goodbye later. Are you sure you don't want to tell John yourself? I really think it would be better"

'I can't Susan. Please, can you do it for me?"

Susan nodded and squeezed Abby's hand before Abby walked home; ready to start packing

…………………………

"John, damn it John! Open up!" Susan was slamming against the wooden door of the mansion.

"Susan, what's the matter with you?"

"Stop talking and listen to me! You have to come with me, she's leaving!"

"Who's leaving? For the love of God, Susan, slow down!" he said as Susan took his arm and dragged him with her.

Finally Susan stopped and looked at John. John raised his eyebrow and looked at Susan.

"Are you okay?"

"John, Abby is leaving. Her mom went crazy again and decided she wants to move to Minnesota. She is packing right now. They leave in half an hour."

"Why are you telling me this now? Why isn't Abby telling me this?" he said with a sad look on his face. He couldn't believe that Abby wouldn't want to say goodbye to him. He'd liked her for a really long time and he obviously meant nothing to her.

"I can't tell you that, but-"

"Why can't you tell me that? What's going on?"

Susan took a deep breath. She had no choice but to break her promise to Abby. "Okay, remember when you said to me you liked Abby?"

"Yeah"

"And do you remember how you made me swear not to tell her?"

"Yeah"

Susan sighed. It didn't seam like he got her point. She looked at John and raised her eyebrows. John looked at her to finish the explanation, but then he got it.

"You mean.. are you saying.. I.. Abby.." He couldn't form a normal sentence anymore.

"Yes," said Susan. "Abby made me swear to secrecy also. She just told me she was leaving and she was afraid to tell you, so she asked if I could do it for her. She really wants to say goodbye to you, but she doesn't think she can. So maybe-" Susan didn't have time to finish her statement.

"Come on then. I can't let her go without saying goodbye" said John, and he grabbed Susan's arm and they started running towards Abby's house, Susan with a big smile on her face.

…………………………

In the mean time Abby was done packing and the movers were moving all the furniture from the house into the car. She looked around the nearly empty house with a sad face.

"Abby, why are we moving? I like it here"

"Me too Eric, I don't know why were moving. Mom thinks it's better for us to live there" Abby said, looking down at her little brother.

"But, what if mom leaves us alone again in a city where we don't know anyone?" Eric asked her with a scared face.

Abby's heart broke when she saw Eric's face. It's not normal for an eight year old boy to ask his sister for reassurances that everything is going to be okay, right?

"We're going to be fine there Eric" Abby said, although she didn't know what to do either. She gave her brother a hug. "You better go check if you have everything packed, so you don't forget anything"

"Okay!" and he was off to his room.

Abby looked around the house again and walked into her room. She really liked her room and was very sad about leaving it. All the fun moments she had with her friends in this room; she was really going to miss them. Then she saw something in the corner. She picked it up and saw it was a photo of her and her friends during a sleepover in her house. She hadn't seen that photo in ages. It's one of that weird photo's made from above, so that you only see a circle of heads. Everyone was on it; Susan, Sam, Luka, John and Abby. The more she looks at the photo the sadder she gets. She looks at John's head next to hers and her eyes become teary. She has to say goodbye to him! She gets her cell and tries to call him, but after 5 rings she gets his voicemail. She closes her phone and then, without thinking, runs out of the house. She keeps running and running until she can't feel her legs anymore, but she doesn't care. She has to say goodbye to John. She has to tell him that she's in love with him and that she can't miss him. Finally she gets to Johns house. She rings the bell and knocks the door and waits for an answer, while she's trying to get her breathing back to normal. After what seems like ages a butler opens the door. When he sees her he says: "Mister John is not here. I saw him running away with Miss Susan earlier"

"Susan?" And then it clicks in Abby's head. "Damn it! Thank you" she shouts at the butler as she chases down the street once again; back to her house.

…………………………

Meanwhile, Susan and John had reached Abby's house, both relieved to see the moving truck still standing in front of the house, meaning Abby hadn't have left yet. Susan runs into the garden immediately but then realizes that John isn't right behind her anymore. She stops and turns around. He's still standing at the gate to the garden, like he's afraid to move any further. Susan walks over to him and puts her hand on his arm.

"You know you have to move if you want to get in the house. I don't want to carry you. Even if I wanted to I probably couldn't, but still…"

"It's just- I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to make it harder than it already is. Maybe this was a bad idea, me coming here. I think I should just go. Can you tell her I'll call her or something? Thanks Susan" he says without taking a breath, and before Susan can stop him, he's gone.

"Idiot" Susan mumbles, but realizing there's nothing she can do about it she turns around and goes into the house to see Abby.

…………………………

"I really should exercise more" Abby says to herself as she takes a moment to catch her breath. First running to John's house and then back again is not as easy as it sounds. Taking a deep breath in she stands up straight and looks up at the sky. The sky is blue and the sun is shining. If she wasn't moving today and leaving her friends and her life behind this would be a perfect day. Okay, no time to think about that now. I really should get back to my house to catch John and Susan, or I'll just keep running back and forward between our houses for the rest of the day, and that's really not how I want to spent the rest of my time here.

Just as she's about to start running again, she sees a person moving her way. As she takes a closer look she recognizes him. It seems that he sees her too, because he looks like a deer caught in the headlights, his eyes are so big. He stops running and just stands there. Abby looks at him, a sad smile forming on her lips. She's happy to see him but she has this nagging feeling that this is the last time she sees him and that she has to say goodbye. She's the first who's able to move again. She takes a deep breath and walks towards him. It seems like he's nailed to the floor. He stands there like a statue. He was trying to avoid the 'saying goodbye' part, but now it seems like he doesn't have a choice. She reaches him and smiles shyly at him.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"I went over to your house, but you weren't there. I have to tell you something"

"I know. Susan told me" He looks at her with a sad face. Abby just nods.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the one to tell you. I wanted to, but I couldn't. So I asked Susan. I meant for her to tell you after I left to avoid, well… this" she says with a little smile, trying to make the conversation a little lighter. "But I guess I should've known she'd tell you right away"

"Yeah well, that's Susan for you"

"Yeah"

They both look at each other uneasily. Abby knows now is the time to say it. Now is the time to tell him how much he means to her and how much she was looking forward to the dance and how much she's going to miss him. But she just can't find the words to say all that. Finally she manages something.

"I just don't want to go John" she says, and then she can't control her tears anymore, as they start falling down her cheeks. "I don't want to move!" she cries, stamping her feet on the ground in frustration.

"And I don't want you to go" he says, and he reaches for her and pulls her into a hug.

This is the first time ever they've hugged like this. John feels how perfectly they fit together. Abby's arms tight around his waist as her head rest on his shoulder. He feels her tears as they soak his shirt. He rubs southing circles on her back, trying to calm her down a bit.

"Shh… It's going to be okay Abby. It's all going to be okay"

"No, it's not" she says as she pulls back and steps out of his embrace. "It's not going to be okay! I have to move to stupid Minnesota. I have no friends there, I have to go to a new school, I have to deal with my mother alone, I have to take care of my brother all by myself since Susan isn't around anymore and I just can't do it. I don't want to be all by myself"

"Abby, you-"

"No, I just can't do it. I had my life all in order here. I was doing well in school, Eric was dealing alright with everything, I had Susan when my mom was freaking out again, I had friends and I had you. Why do we need to move? It just makes no sense! Non what so ever!"

"Abby, believe me, I really don't want you to go"

"I know"

"Can't you just live with Susan or me or something?"

"That's what Susan said, but I can't leave Eric"

"He can live with me too. I have a very big house you know that. He can have his own room and you can have your own room and-"

"John" Abby said, looking at him with a sad face.

"Yeah, I know. It's stupid. It's just, I want you so badly to stay. I don't know what I'm going to do without you"

"Well, you'll always have Susan. And Sam, and Luka…"

"I don't want them" he said abruptly.

"What?" Abby said, looking surprised.

Taking a deep breath John steps closer to Abby. He then takes her hand in his and looks into her eyes.

"I only want you"

"You what?" Abby blurted out without thinking.

This brought a smile to John's lips.

"I don't care about them. I mean, I care about them, but not the way I care about you"

Abby just looks at him, her mouth hanging slightly open from surprise. She didn't see this one coming.

"Really?" she finally manages, still a little uncertain.

"Really" John says, looking into her eyes.

"I mean, are you saying that… you like me?"

"A lot" John says smiling. "I told Susan a long time ago, but I told her not to tell anyone. From what Susan just told me, it seems like you did the same. I know I should've told you sooner, but-"

He didn't get to finish that sentence, as Abby leant in and kissed him very softly on the lips. After a few seconds Abby pulled back, a little surprised by her own actions. She's never really kissed a guy, so she really didn't really know where she found the guts to do that. But before she could analyze it any further, she saw John leaning in again, this time kissing her. She could feel his arms sneak around her waist and she linked her hands behind his neck. The kiss became more intense and Abby totally forgot where she was. Kissing John was the greatest feeling in the world and she couldn't believe they'd never done this before. She feels one of his hands move up her back pulling her even closer as she hears a very familiar voice from what sounds like miles away.

"John, Abby there you are! Finally, I've been looking all over for you and, O My God I'm sorry!"

Abby and John quickly stepped away from each other, startled by hearing their names. Both looking to where the voice came from, they came face to face with Susan, who was standing there with her eyes wide open, but with a huge smile on her face.

"I can't say your timing isn't really, really bad, but I'm glad you finally did this"

"Ehmm... yeah… well…" John and Abby both stuttered at the same time.

"Owh, look how cute! You're both blushing!"

"Okay, you've had your fun for today. Stop it now" Abby says, still a bit flustered from what had just happened.

"I'm afraid I have to. I was looking for you. Your mother wants to leave…"

…………………………

"So, you'll call every day and I'll come by your house really soon to check it out" Susan says, trying to cheer Abby up a little bit.

It's not really working. Abby just nods at her best friend. She can't talk because of the huge lump in her throat.

"I'll see you real soon. Call me as soon as you get there" Susan says, as she reaches for Abby and gives her a massive hug.

"I'll miss you Suz" Abby whispers in Susan's ear.

"I'll miss you too"

Then Susan lets Abby go, giving her arm one last squeeze.

"Eric, come here and give me a hug!" she yells, as she walks to the other side of the truck to say goodbye to Eric.

John walks towards Abby, tucking a bang that has fallen in front of her eyes behind her ear. This little gesture makes Abby smile and cry at the same time. John takes her in his arms and strokes her hair.

"I'm really gonna miss you Ab. But I'll come visit you all the time, and you can come here"

"I love you" Abby whispers in his ear.

She then pulls back from the hug, looking at John, seeing he has tears in his eyes.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry for me, please" she asks, while tears stream down her own face again.

"I love you too" he says, as he leans in and kisses her.

As they pull back Abby smiles a bit.

"We should've done that sooner" she says. "I don't know why we've waited so long"

"Me neither" he says. "Come by soon so we can do it again" he teases.

"I'd like that"

They lean in for one last kiss when they hear Maggie's voice.

"Abby come on! We have to go! You've had more than enough time to say goodbye. We're leaving now!"

"This is gonna suck so much…" Abby mumbles, as she steps into the car and sits next to Eric, and with Susan and John waving at her, the car drives away…

…………………………

_A/N: I know there are a lot of 'teenage fics' around now, but I was cleaning out my computer and found this story. I've written this about a year ago but never posted it so I've decided to post it now. If you like it I can continue... let me know review!_


	2. chapter 2

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

…………………………

I'm lying on my back on my mattress with my arms draped across my face. I sigh to myself. It's been only 2 days since I've been here and I really want to go back. I miss my friends, my old room but most of all, my boyfriend. I've talked to John over the phone a lot and we've decided that it doesn't matter how far away we live, we're together. A long-distance-phone relationship is better than no relationship at all. It's just that I want to hold him and kiss him and that's not possible over the phone. I've talked to Susan a lot too. I really miss her as my best friend around here. I haven't been to school here so it's just been me, my mom and Eric for the past two days and I really miss someone to hang out with, other than my baby brother that is.

My mom has been off her meds since before we came here. It's actually the reason why we came here. She has been running around the house decorating it and commanding Eric and me to help. But since we were doing more harm than good we were sent to our rooms to decorate those. Of course Eric couldn't do it by himself so I had to help him, resulting in the fact that my room is still totally empty except for the one mattress on the floor where I sleep. Eric's room is totally furnished now, but since there's no paint on the walls or anything, it's not very cosy. It just has to do for now. We can go to the hardware store tomorrow since we don't start school for another week.

Maggie had made some calls and got us placed at some public school. I really don't feel like going to a school where I don't know anyone, but I have no choice. If I'm lucky I'll meet some nice people there to hang out with while I'm at school. I don't want to bring them home though. It took me a long time before I brought Susan over and then John and the others. You never know what my mom's going to do and I really don't want to take that risk. Thinking about them makes me sad. I really, really miss them.

I hear a knock on my door but I don't answer it. I just want to be alone right now. The knocking continues.

"Go away!" I shout.

"Abby?" I hear Eric's voice.

"Not now Eric" I say.

He doesn't listen and opens the door anyway. I open my eyes and look at him. He walks over to me and sits next to me on the mattress.

"Eric, I said not now" I sigh, turning my back to him, lying on my side.

Then I feel his little hand on my hair and I don't know why, but I feel tears pricking in my eyes. I have to be strong for him but I'm tired of it and I can't do it anymore. The past two days I've been telling him that it's okay and that it's going to be great here, but the fact is that I don't believe it myself. I feel miserable here and I know he probably feels the same.

"Are you okay Abby?" he asks.

I sniffle softly, not wanting to let him know that I'm crying. He's not used to me crying in front of him. Since Maggie is not much of a mother I'm the person he depends on most. He goes to me if there's something wrong. I think he sees me more as his mother than as his sister.

"Yeah I'm fine Eric" I say, trying to sound convincing. I don't think he's buying it though.

"If you're fine… then why are you crying?" he asks me in a concerned voice.

"It's nothing. I'm just a little tired"

"You have to eat something Abby. I made some sandwiches for myself because mom doesn't want to make dinner. I can make you something too"

"No thanks, I'm not hungry. But it's very sweet of you" I wipe my eyes before turning to him.

"Have you had enough to eat?"

He nods vigorously.

"Okay that's good. I think you should go to bed soon. It's almost eight and we have to get up early tomorrow so we can get paint for your room"

His face turns happy for a second but then sad again.

"Abby, I don't like my room. I can't go to sleep in it. It has all this scary noises and stupid shadows on the wall. I really don't like it Abby" he says with a pouting face.

I feel bad for him. I'm thinking about the best way I can solve this.

"Do you want to sleep here with me?" I ask.

"Really? Just like in the other house when mom was away and I was scared and couldn't sleep?"

"Sure, hop in!" I say, patting on the space next to me.

This brings a smile to his face and he quickly lies down next to me. I grab a blanket from the end of my bed and drape it over him. He cuddles closer to me and I hold him until he falls asleep.

…………………………

I'm woken by the sound of my cell phone. I look at my watch and see that it's only ten o'clock at night. It's feels later though. I guess I've fallen asleep along with Eric. I look at my little brother sleeping in my arms, not bothered by the sound of my phone at all. I untangle myself from him, careful not to wake him. I grab my phone, seeing Susan's home number flashing in the screen. I walk out of the room quickly so I won't wake Eric and I walk into his room, sitting on his bed.

"Hey" I finally answer my phone.

"Hey Abs" I hear Susan's cheery voice. "What took you so long to answer it?"

"I'm sorry. I fell asleep and I didn't want to wake Eric so I had to get out of the room"

"I thought you both had your own room" Susan says.

"Yeah well, he finds his room scary so he's sleeping with me tonight. We're going to paint his room tomorrow so it'll be fine then"

"How's your room? More furnished then when I last talked to you I hope…"

"That was morning Susan. I haven't really had the time to get to my room yet. First Eric needs a good room, and then I'll get to mine"

"I'm sorry I can't help you with this Ab"

"It's not your fault" I sigh. "I'll survive"

"So, how's your mom?"

"Well, apart from the fact that she's been manic, that she doesn't want to make dinner for Eric and that she hasn't noticed that the house is a mess apart from my room where really is nothing in it, I think she's doing great. But on the other hand, I haven't really talked to her so I wouldn't know"

"I guess I don't have to ask how you're doing" Susan says and I can hear in her voice that she feels sorry for me.

"Yeah well, this whole situation sucks and I really miss you and John and the others and-" but then I get a lump in my throat and I can't talk anymore.

"Abby, are you still there?"

"Yeah" I manage in a high pitched voice. "I'm sorry, it's just that-"

"Yeah, I know. We miss you too. John's been here all day because he didn't want to be alone. He's been miserable. He sat at my bed and cried for half an hour. I've never seen him cry before. I don't know what to do with that"

"He cried?"

"Owh yeah" Susan says "It made me really uncomfortable you know…"

"I can imagine" I say, smiling a little bit as I imagine Susans face when she says this. But then I hear my mother calling my name.

"Hey Suz, my mother is calling me so I better go. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"You betcha!" Susan says. "Owh no, wait! What do I tell the people at school?"

I sigh. I hadn't even thought about that.

"Ehmm, just tell the truth, but leave my mother out of it"

"Okay sure. Hang in there Ab! I'll call you tomorrow. Give Eric a hug for me okay?"

"Will do. Thanks Suz"

"Sure, bye"

"Bye" and then I click my phone shut. Suddenly the whole house is quiet. I'm not used to this house myself and sitting here, I understand why Eric doesn't like his room. There are no curtains so you can see the shadows of the trees outside moving on the walls all the time. I make a mental note to get him some curtains tomorrow too. Then the door opens and Maggie steps in.

"Abby I called you. What are you doing here?"

"I was on the phone. Eric's asleep in my room and I didn't want to wake him, so…"

"Why is he in your room?" Maggie asks

"Because he finds his room scary" I say in an accusing tone. I don't think she gets it though.

"Well, he'll just have to get used to it"

"Mom, he's eight years old! From one moment to the next his whole life has changed and he's living in another house. I think it's perfectly normal that he's scared"

"Don't take that tone with me Abby! I'm only trying to do what's best for you and Eric!"

"What's best for us? Are you serious? We were perfectly happy where we were mom! We had friends and school, and, and… everything! Our whole life was there! But then from one day to the next you decide that we have to move! Now we have nothing. Our house is a mess! Have you seen my room? It's one mattress mom!" I say, totally frustrated now. I can't contain myself anymore. I just have to get it all out.

"Why is it that I can't do anything right with you Abby?" Maggie says. "Everything I do you disapprove of"

"Well maybe if you took your meds sometimes, you could see what you are doing wrong. Just a suggestion" I say bitterly.

Maggie looks at me with pure hate in her eyes. I don't care though. I've had enough of this.

"Go to your room now!" Maggie says angrily, pointing in the direction of my room.

"Happily" I spit back and I walk past her, slamming the door shut behind me, leaving her alone in Eric's dark room. I run to my room and once I'm inside I close the door quickly and lean my back against it. I'm trying really hard to keep the tears from falling, but it doesn't work. I haven't cried as much in my life as I have in these past two days, but I don't care. My life is so messed up right now. With the tears still streaming down my face I quietly change into my pyjamas and then crawl on my mattress next to Eric. I grab another blanket and drape it over myself and cuddling Eric close to me, my tears finally slow down and then I'm asleep.

…………………………

_A/N: Well, that was chapter two. Kinda sad, I know, but I need this for the rest of the story. I really liked the suggestion from **Erdoctor15**, to jump ahead in time and have her come back, but I'd already thought of this. Although I think I'm going to do that later on in the story. I have a whole storyline planned out now and it could work very well. So thanks for reviewing! Thanks to everybody who reviewed by the way! If you have some suggestions or things you'd like to see in this story, leave me a review and I'll see if I can work it in. Well anyway, I hope you'd enjoyed this chapter… There'll be more John in it later, I promise… but this is it for now, so leave me a review and tell me what you think of it! Thanks…_


	3. Chapter 3

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

_…………………………_

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming!" Susan yells at John, who's knocking on her door.

"Hi! Sorry. I'm a little slow getting started this morning" Susan says as she finally opens the door.

"It's okay" John says, without any enthusiasm.

"Well come in, I'll only be a second"

John steps inside and closes the door.

"Hey John" Chloe says as she walks down the stairs.

"Hey Chloe"

"Where's Abby, I want to show her my new shoes"

John looks at her and swallows hard. Hasn't Susan told her little sister that Abby has moved?

"Ehm… Abby's not here today" John says a little helpless, feeling bad enough about it as it is.

Chloe's face falls.

"But I really like your shoes" John says quickly, pointing at her shoes, trying to cheer her up.

"Thanks!" Chloe replies happily. "I got them yesterday. I picked them out myself"

"Well, they look great"

John was thankful when Susan stormed through the door with her jacket and backpack all ready to go.

"Come on John, we don't want to be late! Bye Chloe!" Susan shouts as she pushes John outside, quickly closing the door behind them.

"Sorry about that" Susan apologizes. "I know I should've told her but I couldn't. I myself can't even believe that Abby isn't here anymore" and then she fell silent.

"Yeah, I know" John says understanding.

Susan looks at him sadly.

"How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't. I couldn't stop thinking about her Susan" Susan looks at him sympathetically urging him to talk to her.

John took a deep breath, thinking how he was going to explain his feeling, although he knows Susan probably feels the same.

"It's just… I never knew it is possible to miss someone so much. She's been away for two days but it feels like a lifetime. I'm worried about her. I talked to her yesterday and she told me about her house and her room and about how her mother was acting. She has to take care of her brother all by herself now. Here, you used to help her with that but there she doesn't have anyone. She doesn't deserve that Susan. She's a good person, why does this have to happen to her?" John looks at Susan, pleading for an answer.

"I don't know John, I really don't"

John looks at the ground, staring at the pavement while they walk in silence for a while.

"I just wish that there's something we could for her you know?"

"Yeah, me too. But all we can do is keep in touch with her and let her know that we'll always be there for her"

"I know" John says, thinking for a moment. "It sucks though"

"Jep, it does" Susan sighs.

In the distance they then hear the school bell ringing.

"Let's go. We really don't want to be late in French class" Susan says, and she starts running.

"Nope, we don't" John replies, but actually, he doesn't care about anything. But he follows Susan anyway.

…………………………

After what feels like a lifetime the bell finally rings, announcing the lunch break. Susan runs out of the classroom to wait for John to exit his'. Susan has kept a close eye on John in the classes they had together today. Although it was impossible to talk during classes and frankly during biology, when they had to dissect a frog, she kind of got distracted from her task, she could still tell that John isn't himself today. He hasn't been taking notes and he didn't get any of the math questions right, which is odd since he's at the top 10 percent of the math class. He's just been staring out of the window and doodling on his books absentmindedly. Though she understands why, the teachers probably don't. Just when she sees John walking towards her he is called back by his teacher, Mrs. Adams, to stay a little longer. He signals for her to just go and that he'll come and find her later. Susan nods at him and walks to the cafeteria, not looking forward to having lunch alone.

About ten minutes later John joins her at their regular lunch table in the back of the cafeteria. Susan, Abby and John always sat at that table, because you could follow everything that happened during lunchtime, but it was still quiet so you could talk privately. But now it's just Susan and John together.

"Hey, sit down" Susan said, making room on the table for him to put his food tray

"Thanks" John said, but he didn't make any effort to open his yoghurt or grab a sandwich.

"Aren't you eating?" Susan asked concerned

"I'm not really hungry"

"Okay, fair enough. So, what did Mrs. Adams want? Did she try to seduce you?" she asked, trying to make him laugh. I didn't work. All she got was John who looked at her and raised his eyebrow

"No, not this time" he sighed, and then continued. "She wanted to talk about why I didn't pay attention in class today"

"Ouch, she noticed. What did you say? Did you tell her about Abby?"

"No, of course not. It's not my place to tell. Besides, I think the teachers have noticed that she isn't here. I mean, you can't skip one day of school because you'll get caught, so they must notice this too right?"

"Yeah right. So, what did you tell her?"

"Just that I had a lot on my mind"

"And she bought it? I mean, no further questions asked?"

"Well, I don't know if she really bought it, but she let me off the hook. I do think she'll keep an eye on me, so I'll just have to put Abby out of my mind when we're in school"

"That's easier said than done" Susan said, speaking like an expert

"Jep, it is" John agreed, deciding to grab a sandwich anyway "I'm just wondering… what Abby's doing right now.."

…………………………

"Eric! Hurry up! We've got a lot to do today!"

"I'm almost ready Abby" Eric called, running towards me with his head inside his sweater

"What are you doing?" I ask, with a smile on my face; my first real smile of the day.

"I'm stuck!" He states as a matter of fact

"Haha, okay let me see. Arms up.. hold still.. there you go" I say, as I untangle him from his sweater.

"Thanks" he says, smiling at me with his hair static and pointing every which way.

"You're welcome" I say, putting a sandwich in front of him, pointing at it to tell him to eat it up, while I put some gel in his hair

"So, Abby-" he asks with a mouthful of bread, and he then swallows "-where are we going again?"

"To the hardware store, to pick out a colour for the walls in your bedroom"

"Owh yeah! I remember now!" he says proudly. "Can I pick out the colour myself?"

"Ehmm.. sure, but I'll have to approve"

Eric takes a second to think about it. "Okay" he finally gives in, and then he stands up to go brush his teeth so we can go.

It's going to be a long day. I don't know where Maggie went, but she took the car with her, so Eric and I will have to ride our bikes. That in itself is no problem, it's just that I don't know where anything is here, so I'll have to figure that out first. And then I have to think of a way to get the paint we're going to but back to the house. We'll just only buy paint for his room and I'll do my room when I get to it.. his room is just more important right now and-

"Abby, I'm ready! Let's go!"

I smile at his enthusiasm. This sure is going to be a long day. And how I wish Susan and John were here..

…………………………

I step back and look at the results of my painting. Not to bad, if I must say so myself. I have now painted three of his walls sky-blue, just like Eric wanted. I look at the fourth wall, but decide that I'll do that one another time. I take a look at my watch and notice that it's almost seven and that we still need to eat, although I really don't feel like eating. I'll just make something for Eric. On my way to the kitchen I hear a familiar sound; my cell phone! I run to my room and see it's Susan who's calling me. Happy for the distraction and for the fact that I get to talk to my best friend again, I pick it up.

"Hey Susan" I say cheery

"Hey Abs" Susan replies. "How's it going?"

"Well, good actually.. well, as good as it can be I guess"

"I'm glad to hear it. So what did you do today? Didn't go to school I guess?"

"No, I'll still have to look into that. First Maggie said she was going to, but I haven't seen her since we had a fight last night, so…"

"You had a fight?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that" I say

"What happened?"

"It was a pretty regular fight. She was being stupid so I called her on it and I called her a bad mother and then she became depressed and then she sent me to my room"

"That doesn't sound good"

I smile a wry smile to myself.

"No, it wasn't. But I haven't seen her since then, so things only got better. I've painted Eric's room today. Well, almost. I'll have to do the last wall tomorrow"

"Really? Owh, Ab, that's great! I'm so proud of you!"

I know that she means it and I feel my cheeks burning

"Haha, thanks" I say. "I'll do my room next week or so. But tell me" I say, changing the subject, "how is everything at school? Anyone notice ehmm.. anything?"

"Well, not from me, and I don't know if the teachers know what happened to you, but Mrs. Adams had John stay late because he wasn't paying attention. He's just not himself Abs, he misses you"

I swallow hard, trying not to think to hard about what I'm doing to John.

"I know, Suz. I miss him too"

"Have you called him? Let him know what you're doing and all?"

"Well, I only talked to him once, yesterday, but that's it. It's really hard for me to talk to him but not see him. I don't know what to say to him. I want to be near him so bad, but I can't and it's driving me crazy. I don't know if it's weird, but I feel better when I'm not talking to him, because then I can't hear the sadness in his voice and then I don't have to feel bad and then I miss him less" I think about what I'd just said "Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it does, but I don't know how he'll feel about it"

"Yeah, me neither. Could you tell him for me?"

"Tell him what exactly?"

"That I think it's best if we don't talk for a while, until I get settled and he has his life back on track. That I love him, but that I don't want to make this harder than it already is-" I swallow. Do I really want Susan to tell him that?

"Are you sure?" Susan asks me softly, like she can read my mind. I think about it for a second. "Abs, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Tell him I'll call him when I'm ready. I promise"

"Okay, it's just that-"

"Abby! I'm hungry!" I hear Eric shout at me from the living room, or as far as you can call it that.

"Suz, I'm sorry, I'll have to make dinner for Eric"

"Have you already eaten then?" Susan asks me surprised

"Uhmm, yeah, I did. Eric was asleep, so I ate alone. I have to make something for him now. I'll talk to you again soon okay, and please tell John for me, and tell him I love him"

"Sure I will. Take care Abs, talk to you soon"

"I will, bye" and then I clicked the phone shut. I don't know if I'd just made the right decision concerning John, but he's clearly suffering from it all and it's not easy for me either. I think it's for the best this way; for both of us. And, as I hear Eric calling for me again, I walk into the kitchen and start making him dinner.

…………………………

_A/N: Sorry it took me like.. forever! Mayor writers block and very little time to get it undone.. But, I passed my exams (jeeh!) so I have summer vacation which means time to write (when I'm not actually ON vacation..) So I'll try to update more frequently IF you want me to continue… let me know by reviewing people!_


	4. chapter 4

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

_…………………………_

I come home after my first day of school and throw my bag on the floor. I kick my shoes off and crash down on the couch. I close my eyes for a second to think about my first day at St. Pauls Highschool. It was actually quite fun to be around people my age again. I mean, I love Eric, but after the week we've already been in Minnesota by now I could really use some people my own age to hang out with. And the people at school were really nice. I don't know if I could ever like them as much as the people back at my old school, especially Susan and John, but still. I'd hang out with Jason and Kirsten who were next to me in my first class of the day, English. They told me they've been friends forever and that they didn't mind showing me around. It turned out that I actually liked them. Jason is kind of a dark, silent guy and Kirsten is a very enthusiastic and loud girl, but they soothed each other perfectly. I liked their twisted sense of humour, which was actually what got me through the day without thinking about my old friends all the time. As a conclusion I think you can say that my first day at a new school was as good as it can possibly be.

I open my eyes and look at my watch and see it's 2 o'clock. I have to be at Eric's school at 3 to pick him up since Maggie is nowhere to be found. Last week she told me she was looking for a job but I've never heard her mention that she'd found one. I have no idea where she is now. She wasn't even here when I woke up this morning, so I guess she's been out all night with some guy she doesn't even know. She's done that before so nothing new there. I'm just glad Eric hadn't noticed she wasn't home because I know it would upset him. I'm surprised Maggie has even taken the time to put us in schools. I guess she has her good moments, it's just such a shame the bad moments fade all the good ones away.

I sigh and then stand up to put my book bag in my room. I pick it up from the floor and walk into my room. I know that it is my room, but it still doesn't feel like it. I know that's fairly normal since I've only been here for one week, but still. I've painted it the same colours as my old room, dark red walls and a silver coloured door and window frames. I've tried to decorate it the same as my other room too, but since the shape of the room is different that didn't work out all too well. But I'm glad that at least all my furniture fitted in here. I'm actually quite proud at the result of my hard work because it looks nice. The only thing missing is my friends and I in it having fun like old times. I put all the pictures I could find up on the wall, so it would feel like they're here with me. The picture I found just before I was leaving, with all the heads in the circle, is hanging right above my pillow. Yesterday I lay on my bed with my head in my hands, leaning on my elbows, for like two full hours, just staring at that picture, thinking about my friends and the fun things we'd done. I miss them so much. Later I called Susan and she said she'd been looking at her copy of that picture too. Telepathy? No, I don't think so. I think we're just that good of friends. I talked to Susan for over an hour and eventually the subject of the dance came up. The dance from Friday that I've been looking forward to for God knows how long, because I was going to ask John to dance with me. That I would tell him how I feel about him and then hope for the best. Little did I know that I would never make it to that dance. The only good thing about this whole moving-mess is that John and I got together sooner then anticipated by both of us (and by Susan). The only problem is that we're together but not together. Owh, what I wouldn't give to go to that dance with John. Susan told me that John is not going. He said that couldn't handle going without me. He'd been looking forward to it just as much as I had and now neither of us is going. Life isn't fair. I miss John. I haven't talked to him since the day before I told Susan to tell him that I thought it would be better if we didn't talk. I really thought it was for the best, but more often I get the urge to call him. I'm trying to be strong because I'm sure that it's better for both of us, but I don't know how long I can keep this up. Susan told me that John is a wreck. That he isn't paying attention in school and that he's barely eating. I've caught myself at that last point too. I find myself skipping meals more and more. I can't help it, I'm just not hungry. I don't weigh myself, it's against my policy, but it's only been a week and I've noticed that my clothes are less tight then they used to be. But I can't do anything about it. I can't make myself eat if I don't feel hungry. Eric on the other hand is eating like a wolf. Wait a minute? Eric! Shit! I scold myself for loosing track of time. I throw my bag on the bed, run out of my room, search for my shoes, find them and quickly put them on and then I'm out of the door to pick Eric up from his first day at school.

…………………………

It turned out that Eric doesn't like his school at all. I feel so bad for him. I tried to talk to Maggie about it but she wouldn't listen. She's barely been home this last week and the times she was home, she was either depressed or she was just yelling at us for no apparent reason. I've done my best trying to fit into school and take care of Eric, who's been sleeping in my room on a mattress because he's still scared of this house. He's been crying himself to sleep every night and I practically had to drag him to school every morning. He hasn't made any friends and he tells me kids pick on him. I feel really bad for him, but there's not much I can do. I really wish we could just move back to Chicago but I don't get the feeling that's ever going to happen again. It's now Thursday afternoon and I'm sitting in my room doing homework when Maggie walks in.

"Abby, I'm going over to a friend's. Can you make sure Eric goes to bed at a reasonable hour? And don't go to bed too late yourself okay? Thanks! Bye!" And before I get the chance to say something I hear the front door open and close again and then I hear a car pulling out of our drive way. Well, I guess that was Maggie for today. I sigh and put my head down on my books. I don't feel like doing my homework anymore. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

"Abby?" I hear a little voice behind me

"Yeah" I say, not lifting my head from the books, so my voice sounds muffled.

"Abby, where did Maggie go?" Eric asks me. I feel a sting in my heart when I hear Eric call his mother by her first name. I lift my head up and look at him. He's standing in my doorway.

"She's going to a friend's tonight. She'll be home late so I'll put you to bed tonight okay?"

"But Abby, you put me to bed every night" he says with a small voice.

I look at him and nod sadly. "I know, I'm sorry"

"No, it's okay. I like it better when you put me to bed anyway" he says. "I just wish that-"

"That what?" I ask curiously

Eric pulls his shoulders up and looks at his feet. "I don't know. That she'd be more like Ellen or something"

Ellen is the mother of Ben, his best friend back in Chicago. He used to love it to sleep over there because he then got put to bed by a real mother. At least, that's what he used to say to me. Then a light bulb flicks on in my head. This could either be a really good idea, or a really bad one.

"Eric, how would you like it to sleep at Ben's house tonight?" I ask him with a smile.

"For real!" he asks me with the biggest smile I have seen in the past week and a half.

"Yeah for real" I say

Eric then runs over to me and hugs me.

"Yeah, I really want that! Can you come with me Abby? We can sleep there together!"

"I'll come to Chicago with you, but I'll sleep at Susan's house okay?"

"Okay okay okay!"

"Haha, good! Now go pack your pyjama and some clean clothes and a toothbrush real quick!"

The words had barely left my mouth before Eric is in his room packing his stuff. I grab my own bag and put some stuff in it that I'm going to need and then grab a piece of paper. I think for a second what I'm going to put on it. I'm not too fond of my mother right now but I still think she has a right to know where we are. Finally I decide and write a short note.

_Maggie,_

_We'd gone to Chicago. If you want to, you can reach me on my cell-phone_

_Abby and Eric_

I fold it and take it into the living room and put it on the table. I then walk back into my room to grab my bag and to make sure I have enough money on me for two train tickets to Chicago. Well, it'll just have to do.

"Eric! Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm done" He answers as he walks towards me with a huge bag.

"Are you sure you got everything in it?" I ask him smiling

"Yeah, I think so"

"Okay, let's go then"

We walk out of the house together and I make sure that I lock the door. We then walk to the bus stop that'll take us to the train station. It's going to be a very long train ride but everything is better than staying here right now. As we sit in the bus I grab my cell-phone and send a text message to Kirsten:

_Hi Kirsten. My brother and I are going back to Chicago. Don't know when I'll be back in school. Please tell the teachers I'm sick. Say hi to Jason for me. Thanks! Love, Abby_

_…………………………_

_It's about 11 o'clock at night as we arrive in Chicago. Luckily for us we didn't live very far from the L station, so we don't have to walk very far. At first I have to drop Eric off at his friend's. I'm sure Ben and Ellen will be surprised, but since I explained Maggie's situation once to Ellen, I'm sure she'll be very supportive and I'm sure Ben will like to see his friend again. And then I can finally see Susan and John again. I can't wait!_

_…………………………_

I was right about everything. Ellen was very surprised to see us turn up at this hour, but Eric was more than welcome. I was invited to stay over there too, but Ellen understood that I wanted to go to my own friends. Eric would go to his old school tomorrow with Ben and I would be over tomorrow afternoon to talk to Ellen, because she wanted to talk about the situation because she was worried about this whole ordeal. I think that's all very understandable, but everything slips my mind the moment I see Susans house. I can't help myself and I start running. I haven't told her anything about that I was coming. She called my cell earlier but I didn't pick it up. I don't know why I didn't tell her. Maybe because I wanted it to be a surprise or because I was afraid she'd disagree with my actions. Well, I'll find out her reaction soon enough. I finally reach her door and I take a moment to catch my breath before I knock on the door. I don't want to wake the entire house, so I just hope that one of the persons will hear my knock. I wait in anticipation as I hear footsteps in the hall and I then see Susan's face through the window, looking for who she's opening the door at this hour. I see her mouth fall open and I hear her squeal when she sees me. She unlocks the door quickly and then opens it. Before I get a chance to put my bags down and hug her, she has her arms around me and pulls me to her. I've never been so happy to see her in my entire life. I let my bags fall on the ground and hug her back. When we finally let each other go she pulls me into the house and closes the door. I breath a smile of relieve. I've made it home.

…………………………

I sit on the couch with my feet pulled under my butt and with a big glass of ice-tea in my hands. I can't believe I'm here again. I haven't been here for only a week and a half and I've missed this place so much. Not to mention the person next to me, who's listening to all my stories. Of course I had to tell her about Minnesota, but she also wanted to hear the whole story about how Eric and I had gotten on a train back to Chicago. When I finish she stares at me with her mouth open.

"Owh My God, Abs! That story is so cool! I mean- I don't mean that the whole thing you're going through is cool, but, I mean- getting on a train with your little brother, running away back to your old home! That's something that only happens in movies you know!"

I take a second to think about it. Am I running away? Has is really come to that? I didn't ever think that I'd be a person to run away from home. And then everything is just too much for me and I can feel the tears falling from my eyes. All the tension of moving, leaving my friends, a new school, Eric, Maggie and then taking a train at night with my baby-brother, it's all just too much for me right now. Susan sees me crying and scoots over to me and hugs me.

"I'm sorry Abs. I didn't mean to upset you"

"Don't worry" I sniffle "It's not you. I've never cried so much in my entire life as I have in the past two weeks" I say, now smiling a little. I can't help it. I'm just too happy to be home to cry.

"Do you know who you remind me of?" Susan then asks.

"No, tell me" I say, drying my cheeks with my sleeve.

"John" Susan says in all seriousness.

I lift my head and look at Susan, and there I go again. Damn these stupid tears!

"Owh come here!" Susan says, and once again Susan is the one to comfort me. She's good at that, I think to myself. I then pull away.

"Is he really doing that bad?" I ask Susan, dreading the answer to what I know I'm responsible for.

"Well, he's been better" Susan says with a small smile. I smile back at her a little, but it's not going too great.

"I have to go see him" I say suddenly, jumping up from the couch.

"Don't you want to wait 'till morning?" Susan asks me, but she already knows my answer.

"No, I don't want to wait anymore" I say, looking directly at her. Susan looks back at me and nods.

I walk over to her and hug her again.

"I'm so glad to see you again" I whisper. "I'll be back later okay, to sleep here?"

"Sure, you can take my bike. Take your time, I'll be up" Susan tells me.

I then smile and leave Susan's house to go to John.

Inside the house, someone comes down the stairs.

"Who was that leaving?" Susan's father asks.

"Abby, she's back" Susan smiles, and then hugs her father and goes to her room with the biggest smile on her face, leaving her father behind, thinking about what Susan had just said and looking around an empty room and doubting himself: "She back?"

…………………………

Abby reaches John's house and parks Susan's bike on the side of the house, like she'd done a thousand times before, only then her legs didn't feel this heavy. She takes a moment to compose herself, straighten her hair a bit and to wipe her brow. She's raced over here, eager to see him. She still is, only it's also kind of scary. She looks at her watch: 00.05 am. I doubt he's even still awake, she thinks to herself. She's about to knock on the door when the door suddenly opens. It's John, and for the first time in two weeks they stand face to face..

_…………………………_

_A/N: Owhh cliff-hanger! Well, not really, because you can all guess what's going to happen next.. or maybe not.. Surprise surprise.. Okay, here's a deal: The more reviews I get, the sooner I update so the sooner you'll find out what happens.. Reviews make me write faster, so keep them coming! _


	5. chapter 5

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

…………………………

John stands in the dooropening with the doorknob still in his hand. He can't believe his eyes, who's standing in front of him. He was just going out for a midnight stroll because he couldn't sleep and now the reason for his insomnia is standing only four feet away.

"A-Abby?" he stammers, questioningly, as if he's convinced his mind is playing tricks on him.

She couldn't meet his eyes. She had imagined this moment. She had dreamed about it about a hundred times in the past two weeks. She had this whole scenario in her mind, about how they'd run towards each other and hug and kiss, but now that she finally sees him again, she can't even move.

"Hi" She says shyly, not looking up from her shoes. Why is she so scared all of a sudden?

"Hi. What- I mean, how-" he takes a deep breath and takes another shot at trying to form a coherent sentence. "What are you doing here?"

She finally looks up at him.

"I ran away" She states simply, like it's no big deal, but she can already feel tears stinging in her eyes again.

"You ran away?" John asks incredulously. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

His voice sounds mad. This whole thing was a big mistake. She swallows hard. She's not going to cry.

"I'm sorry. I'll just go" She says, and she turns around, not wanting him to see the tears that are falling against her effort to keep them in.

"No Abby! Wait!"

She stops and turns and looks at him.

"I don't want you to go! Where did you get that idea? I was just shocked. I mean, running away is a big deal. But I don't want you to go. No way!"

She sighs in relief and runs towards him. She doesn't think about it for a second before she throws her arms around his neck and buries her head in the crock of his shoulder. She feels his hands slip around her waist and pulls her closer to him. She sighs again and then whispers in his ear: "I'm so sorry… for everything. I've missed you so much." And when she feels him pull her closer to him, if that's even possible, she knows it for sure: It's all going to be okay.

…………………………

"…So that was it for me. I couldn't take it anymore and Eric was really unhappy so we grabbed our things and left. I dropped him of at his friends' house and I came to Susan and then to you" I finish my story. We're laying on his bed, side by side, my head resting on his chest and our hands intertwined; my right hand in his left. He makes patterns with his thumb on my hand. I like it. For some reason that simple gesture makes me feel safe.

"And what are you going to do now?" John asks me.

I think for a second. I haven't really thought that far ahead. This whole thing was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and honestly, I'm glad I've made it this far.

"I don't know yet" I sigh.

We're both silent for a moment. Now that I can finally relax I realize how tired I am. I close my eyes for a second. I can still feel Johns thumb gently tracing my hand and I hear his rhythmic breathing. I can feel myself falling asleep and, although I know I have to go back to Susan's house, there's nothing I can do about it.

…………………………

I open my eyes when I hear my cell ringing from my jeans pocket. It's dark in the room. I try to recall where I am but before I remember, the ringing has stopped. I feel a body next to mine and then it all comes back to me. I ran away with Eric. I'm in Chicago and I'm sleeping on a bed that isn't mine and I'm not alone. Then I feel panic overtake me. I have to go to Susan's house, as I promised. What time is it? Why did I fall asleep? Owh, how I mess everything up! Just as I'm about to turn my head to find a clock to see what time it is, I hear another phone; it's Johns. I can feel him move carefully, trying not to wake me, to reach the phone that is on his desk as I try to pretend to be asleep. John sits upright and answers. I can hear the whole conversation, including the other person's voice, which I recognize as Susan's.

"Hello"

"John, is Abby with you?" I hear a concerned voice. I scold myself for not going back to Susan or at least call her.

"Yeah, she's here. I thought you knew" John says, confused. He stands up from the bed and goes sitting on the chair by his desk. I think he's trying not to wake me. He clicks on the little study-light that is on his desk and looks towards me. I close my eyes again, quickly. I don't want him to know that I'm awake and listening.

"Owh thank God!" I hear Susan say. "She came to me first and then rode my bike to your house and she was supposed to come back, but I didn't hear from her again and God-knows-what could've happened to her, and-"

"Suz, she's here with me. She's fine" John says loud and clearly, making sure Susan gets his point.

Susan sighs in relief, finally accepting it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what you two had arranged; otherwise I would've called you of course"

"That's okay. Just put Abby on the phone please" I hear Susan say.

"I can't do that, she's sleeping"

"Sleeping? But she was supposed to sleep at my house" Susan says in a voice of which I didn't know if it was confused, angry or disappointed.

"Do you want me to wake her and bring her to your house?" John asks, in an almost sarcastic tone, that Susan can't really appreciate.

"No, of course not. I'm not that cruel"

"How about I let her sleep here and you come here tomorrow morning. We'll skip school and go do something fun and help her to try figure out this whole mess"

"Now, that's the John Carter I know and love" Susan responds with a hint of laughter in her voice.

"No seriously, great idea John. What time should I be there?"

"How about 9ish? We could all go out for breakfast somewhere together"

"I like it. See you tomorrow then. And John, take care of her okay?"

"Sure, bye" and he clicks his phone shut. Silence.

I can then hear John stand up and walk to the bathroom. I open my eyes again and shift my position a little. I feel guilty for not going back to Susan's house, but on the other hand I feel glad, because now I can sleep here with John. I've slept here before, with Susan and John, but needless to say that that was different. Totally different. I can feel a small smile forming on my lips, but as I hear John walking back in the room I close my eyes again and keep a straight face. I can hear him walk to the desk and turn off the light, before he sits on the bed again and I hold my breath. I'm anxious, although I don't really know why. John takes his shoes off and then grabs the comforter from the end of the bed before pulling it over both of us, even though we're both still fully clothed but hey, who cares? He then tosses and turns a little bit, trying to find a good position. I guess he's not really sure how to sleep next to me, whether to touch me or not. In the end he apparently decides not to, because he now lies still next to me, on his back, barely breathing, afraid to move. In a split second I decide that I don't care about the consequences of my next actions. I haven't even kissed him tonight, so I should at least be able to sleep next to him; against him. So I shift over and turn my body towards him and lift my head so that it's now resting on his chest again and I sneak my right arm around his torso, my right leg now automatically laying over his legs. I can feel him tense up at first, either because he thought I was asleep and that I started to move all of a sudden or because of my actions in general, but then he relaxes and he puts his arms around me and I then feel him lightly kiss the top of my head, placing a small kiss in my hair.

"Goodnight Abby" he says, while exhaling.

"G'night" I mumble in his chest, with a happy smile on my face, and for the first night in two weeks, I fall into a peaceful slumber.

…………………………

The next morning I awake because of the sound of Johns alarm clock. I can feel John moving a bit and I hear a loud bang and then the sound has died. It's quiet again. I can feel John looking at me to see if I'm still asleep. I contemplate pretending to be, so I can lie next to him a little longer, but I decide not to. We have to get up eventually, so I look back at him and smile.

"Hi" John says lazily, while settling back down next to me.

"Hey" I say back, snuggling close to him again.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks, putting his arm back around my waist, where it has been the entire night.

"U-huh" is all I can say, closing my eyes, breathing in his scent and enjoying his closeness.

"I'm glad" he says, and then, without a warning, he starts moving. At first I think he's getting out of bed, but then I can feel him getting closer to me again. He's now lying on his right side, facing me. I know that, even though my eyes are still closed, because I can feel his warm breath on my neck.

"Open your eyes Abby" he says softly.

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I do so. The first thing I see as I open my eyes are two big brown eyes, looking directly into mine from barely 4 inches away. He then lifts his left hand from its resting place on my hip and pulls it up to my face, gently tucking my hair behind my ear and then leaving his hand lying in my neck, his thumb softly stroking my cheek.

"I'm so glad you're here" he then whispers, moving closer to me, so that the tips of our noses are gently touching. "I almost can't believe it's for real. When I woke this morning I thought I'd dreamt it all, but then I felt you next to me and I knew it was real. I've missed you so much, I can't even begin to explain"

I can feel a lump in my throat. He's so sweet, and I want to kiss him so badly, but I know I had to say something first.

"I know. I've missed you too. And- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about breaking contact for a while. I thought it'd be easier on both of us, but-"

"-but it wasn't" John completed my sentence, looking sad.

I nod. I distance my face from his a bit to think for a second on how to explain my actions. I can't think properly when he's this close to me, but hey, can you blame me? I then speak again.

"What I did, only made it harder. I really thought I was doing a good thing. I was hoping if I didn't hear your voice I wouldn't think of you so much and that that would make the empty feeling in my chest, I don't know- lighter I guess"

I can still feel Johns thumb stroking my cheek soothingly. I look into his eyes again and see they're a little moist. It feels as if someone has just dropped a stone in my stomach I feel so bad. I never wanted to make him cry. I don't want people crying because of me. I lift my right hand from under the covers up to his face to catch the small, almost unnoticeable tear that is rolling down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to make you cry. I-" but then I hear a small chuckle escape from him. I look at him, surprised.

"What? What is so funny?"

I'm a little bemused. I don't understand it anymore. One minute he's crying and the next he's laughing. If he'd been a girl I'd say he was pregnant.

"I'm just so glad you feel the same way about me as I feel about you" he says.

Well yeah, duh! I thought he knew. I'm momentarily caught off guard. It takes me a second to let it all sink in. He's not mad at me. He's not crying because he's sad, but because he's happy. And he likes me, apparently, just as much as I like him which is, I'm confident to say, quite a lot. When I realize this, a smile forms on my lips, and I direct my gaze to his face again. He's smiling too at first, but then his face turns serious. I can feel his hand applying pressure on my neck, urging my head closer to his and I can see his head moving in, still keeping eye contact. When I can feel his breath on my face (I don't care that he has a bit of a morning breath. I'm pretty sure I do too) I can see his eyes closing and I close mine too. We are so close, when suddenly the door swings open and I hear the sneering voice of his mother calling his name and we both roll back on our backs quickly, praying she didn't see anything.

"John, you have to get u- Owh, no- I-"

She seems speechless for a second, her eyes darting from me to John and then back to me, but then she finds her voice again.

"What the hell is going on in here? John?" she almost shouts, demanding an answer.

I still can't make up from her reaction whether she'd seen what they were about to do, but she's pissed anyway.

"Nothing's going on mom. Abby needed a place to sleep, so she slept her tonight, like she's done many times before as you know" he was trying to sound casual and I was praying his mother would buy it.

"Don't play smart with me, John" she says in a cold voice. "You usually give me notice when your friends sleep over" she says, emphasizing the plural of friends. "And you also know that it is not allowed on school nights, so explain please"

"Mom! Abby had nowhere else to sleep. Would you've preferred if I'd let her sleep on the street?" John says rudely to his mother, daring her to say it. His mothers face then turned thoroughly bemused. I've always been kind of scared of his mother, and this definitely wasn't helping to like her more. Under the blanket I could feel John grabbing my hand to ensure me it is going to be okay, though he doesn't look too confident.

"Just go to school" his mother eventually said coldly. "We'll talk some more when your father gets home" and with that she turned around and left, leaving the door open behind her.

"That was close" John says, letting out a breath of relieve.

"Jep" I say, looking at the open door and then at him. I guess there's not much we can do in here now, with an open door and his mother knowing we're in here.

"I'm sorry about my mother" John says, sitting up and letting my hand go.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I know how she can be" I say to him. I know he feels really bad about it.

"Yeah, but still"

"So what do we do now?" I say, changing the subject. "Should we meet Susan?"

"Yeah, I spoke to her yesterday night when you were sleeping" I cast my eyes down, suddenly interested in my fingers, avoiding his gaze. I already knew that, since I wasn't really sleeping, but he doesn't know that.

"So you and Susan'll skip school today?"

"Yeah, I told her to meet us here at 9"

"Well, then we must hurry" I say, pointing at his alarm, that is now telling us that it is 8.45 already.

"Yeah, you're right. Do you want to take a shower?"

"Please" I say

"Well, go ahead. You know where everything is"

"Thanks" I say, as I jump out of bed and I hurry into the bathroom. I can't wait for the three of us to be together again so we can solve this whole mess for once and for all. Well, so I hope.

…………………………

_A/N: I reloaded this chapter. I hope it isn't in italics anymore, but I can't promise anything. I also corrected some mistakes I noticed while re-reading it before I continue with the next chapter, so I corrected them as well. I'm working on the next chapter as I type this, so it shouldn't be too long (I hope) Sorry for the wait_


	6. chapter 6

_Title – What you leave behind_

_Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side._

_Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own anyone_

…………………………

"Abby! We have to get going. You know how Susan can get when someone's late!" John says, knocking on the bathroom door.

"I'm coming!" I reply, as I take one last look in the mirror before opening the door.

"Well, that's about time. I thought-" but then he turns around and stops talking. He just stares at me making me feel uncomfortable. Is there something on my face or something?

"What?" I ask him, but I don't get a reply. I shrug my shoulders and grab him by his arm, dragging him out of the room.

"Let's go. You said yourself Susans can get very unpleasant"

"Yeah, I mean.. Yeah let's go" he finally speaks, and he willingly follows me out of his room and closes the door behind him. I look down the staircase and I see his mom in the kitchen. I'd rather not talk to her right now. John comes to stand next to me and points at his mother and then he puts his finger on his lips, signalling me to be quiet. I nod my head, telling him I understand, and then we go down the stairs, as quiet as possible, getting out of the door unnoticed. We both breathe a sigh of relieve. I think we both didn't want to get another third degree by his mother since the last one we had this morning, and I also think we both know we're getting a third degree by-

"Hey Susan" I hear John say, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look over at the fence where Susan's sitting waiting for us.

"Finally you guys! I've been sitting here for almost 10 minutes you know"

"Yeah sorry about that" John says. "My mom's home and we had to sneak out. I really don't want to talk to her after this morning"

"Why? What happened?" Susan asks, suddenly intrigued, looking from John to me and then back at John.

"We'll tell you later. I think we better away from the house right now" I jump in, seeing as we're still discussing this in front of his house.

"Good point" John says. "Let's get our bikes quickly and let's go"

"Ehmm.. about the bike.." Susan says, raising her eyebrow at me, while John goes around the house to get the bikes.

"Owh right, I took your bike..." I say, remembering that now. But then.. "Did you walk here?"

"Yeah I did" Susan says with a painful look on her face, but quickly changes that when she sees the guilty on my face "…but that's alright, I could use the exercise. It's just that we're one bike short now"

"No, that's alright. Abby can get on my bike with me" John says, bringing both his and Susan's bike around

"I bet she can" Susan says, winking at John and me, before she gets on her own bike and races away. I look at John and smile, before I quickly jump on his carrier and we head after Susan.

…………………………

The rest of the morning went by pretty quickly. We went to a diner to get some breakfast and we talked about everything that had happened. I felt so good to be with the three of us again, just talking and laughing, not a care in the world. But we all know we had to get serious some time. Susan decides to talk about it first.

"So, what's going to happen now? Are you and Eric going back to Minnesota?"

"I don't know" I say. I really don't know what to do next. "I mean, I know I can't stay here forever, but I don't want to go back to Minnesota and to Maggie"

I look at them and they look at me with sympathy in their eyes, but I also know there's nothing they can do. We're all silent for a minute, as if we're all looking for a solution for my problems.

"You know.." Susan says suddenly, with a smile on her face.

"What?" John and I say in unison.

"Tonight is the dance. You should at least go there"

"No I can't" I say, before she gets all happy about it. I mean, I want to go to the dance. I've been looking forward to it for about a month now, but I can't.

"Why not?" Susan asks.

"Well, I can't leave Eric alone and I can't leave him at Ellen's for another night. I don't want him to be a burden. And also, I don't have a dress, so it's all not a good idea"

Susan thinks about this for a second. Her face lights up when she finds a solution.

"I can watch Eric. I don't have a date anyway. I mean, I was going with John, but I'm pretty sure he'd much rather go with you, and, no offence John, but I'm sure Abby'd rather go with you than I do, so.."

I think about it for a second. Would there still be a chance after all to go to the dance with John?

"But what about my dress? It's in Minnesota and I can't just go and get it and I don't have enough money on me to buy a new one"

"We're the same size right? You can wear mine. I'm not going to be using it anyway. It would be a shame to let a perfectly good dress go to waste" Susan says, now very happy, convinced she'd found a solution for all of the obstacles that are keeping me from going to the dance with John. I look from her to John, who hasn't said much, but looks back at me with a smile on his face.

"It could be fun" he says to me, smiling a cheeky grin.

"It wίll be fun! Come on, Abs!" Susan buds in again, almost bouncing in her seat. I smile at that. She really is a great friend that she wants to do all this for me.

"Are you sure it's alright with you?" I ask her, but I already know the answer.

"It's more than alright with me. You have to go, together. Please? For me?" she smiles at John and me.

"Okay, let's do it" I say, smiling from ear to ear. I can't believe I'm going to the dance with John. This is going be so great!

…………………………

Susan and I are standing outside the diner waiting for John to come out. He insisted on paying the check, since his parents are paying for him, and he had to use the restroom. I guess this is Susan's first chance to speak to me alone, which she uses immediately.

"So, tell me what happened last night! I've been dying all day to hear it" she asks me enthusiastically, apparently expecting a lot of exciting stories. I look at her and smile.

"Not much. I went to his house and we talked and then I fell asleep on his bed and then you called and- yes, I was awake" I add, as I see her confused look, "only John thought I was asleep so don't tell him. But anyway, he thought it was best if I stayed asleep so I stayed there last night and tomorrow we woke up, I took a shower and we went outside to see you. The rest you know"

"Yeah, okay, well that's all great Abs, but are you telling me that nothing happened? You just slept there?"

"Yeah, well, we slept together on his bed" I say, feeling a blush creeping on my cheeks as I think about last night, sleeping next to John.

"See! You're blushing! Tell me, what happened?"

"It was nothing, really Suz! We just slept. It's actually-" I begin to say, but then I change my mind. I don't know if I should talk about it.

"It's what? You can tell me" she says, seeing the hesitation in my eyes.

"It's just, I don't know, weird, I guess. I mean, we've been friends forever and now, I mean, I know how he feels and he knows how I feel, and technically we're together, but.."

"But what?" Susan ask, intrigued

"We haven't kissed okay?" I say, throwing my hands up in the air. I sigh and look at Susan. "It's like we both don't know what to do. I mean- no Susan, we know how to kiss" I say, as I see Susan raising her eyebrow at me "it's just… awkward, right now"

"Well, I wouldn't worry about that too much. I know for sure you both like each other and since you're going to the dance tonight..." she stops there. There's no need for her to paint the whole picture. I know what she means and I know she's right. We just have to wait for the right moment, and what is a better moment then a dance, right?

"You're right, thanks Suz" I say, and I reach over and give her a hug.

"Susan's right? Well, there's a first time for everything, right?" John says teasingly as he walks out of the diner.

"Yeah well, you'd be surprised" Susan replies with a devilish smile, which makes John look at me. I just shrug my shoulders, staying out of this.

"Well anyway" John changes the subject "what are the plans for now?"

"Okay well, Abby has to go see Ellen. She's taking my bike to get there, so I was hoping you could take me home on your bike" Susan looks at John, who nods his head 'yes'. "And after that, Abby and Eric'll come over to my house and I help Abby to get ready for tonight, so you can pick her up at my place say around… 8 o'clock?" she looks at John questioningly.

"Yeah, that's fine with me" John says, smiling at me. God, that smile. When he looks at me like that, I can do nothing but smile back at him. We must look really dorky. Susan apparently notices, since she clears her throat, getting our attention.

"As I was saying" she continues, smiling at the look on our now tomato-red faces, "after the dance Abby can probably sleep over at your place for one more night, and then in the morning she can come to my place to get Eric"

I look from Susan to John and then back to Susan. I though we'd agreed for me to go to her place after the dance. Why did she change her mind? I look at her questioningly, but she just smiles back at me and gives me a wink, before looking at John.

"Sounds like a plan?"

"Sure" John says, looking over at me, silently asking me if I'm okay with it. I nod my head.

"Okay then, great!" Susan says happily. "Well, Abby, you have to go to Ellen now. I'll see you and Eric later at my house"

"Yes, see you later" I say, looking at her and then at John. "See you tonight" I say to him shyly.

"See you then" he says to me, and then I jump on Susan's bike, heading over to Ellen, leaving Susan and John behind.

…………………………

It's almost 5 when Eric and I arrive at Susans house. I talked with Ellen and she said it was best for me and Eric to go home. I told her about the dance and how Eric could stay with Susan tonight. Ellen agreed that was a good plan, but I had to promise her to go back to Maggie tomorrow, and although I really don't want to go back, I know I have to. Ellen also said she'd give Maggie a call about Eric's and my whereabouts. I'm fine with that. I'm just glad I don't have to talk to her myself. I knock on Susans door and when she opens it Eric practically jumps in her arms. I guess he's missed her.

"Come on in" Susan says to me and Eric. Once inside Eric and I put our stuff down in the hallway.

"How are you Eric?" Susan asks him. "You look like you've grown a bit"

"I guess" he shrugs his shoulders. "Is Chloe home?" he then asks. Whenever I had to go to Susan and I didn't want to leave Eric alone I took him with me to play with Chloe. They get along great, which was very convenient for both me and Susan.

"Chloe's in her room. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you" Susan says with a sweet smile, just before Eric storms op the stairs to Chloe's room. Susan and I look after him, smiling.

"I think he's missed her" I say.

"Well, I'd say so" Susan laughs, before we pick up Eric's and my bags and we disappear in Susan's room. Susan immediately walks into her closet to get the dress. I remember us picking out the dresses and I remember her dress. It's very beautiful. It's a strapless, light blue, long dress. Susan gets out and holds it out to me. Jep, just as I remember it. I still can't believe I'm going to the dance tonight. I'm actually nervous about it.

"Well, don't just stare at it… try it on!" Susan's voice brings me back to world. In my mind I was already dancing with John. I smile shyly at her for zoning out once again, before I disappear behind the screen in the corner of her room. I loose al my clothes and then carefully slide into the dress. I'm so lucky that Susan and I are the same size. It fits me perfectly. I just hope it looks as good on me as it does on Susan, who looks beautiful in it. I step around the screen and walk over to the mirror. I can't believe what I see. I actually look good in a dress, if I must say so myself. I usually don't wear dresses but for this one time I'll make an exception. I look around for Susan but she's not in the room anymore. I didn't even hear her leave. Ah well, she'll be back. I look in the mirror one more time and make a small pirouette, causing my dress to spread out at the bottom. I hear a small squeak of, what I hope is delight, behind me as Susan walks into the room with two big glasses of coke.

"Do you like it?" I ask her. I'm curious to what she thinks. Her opinion is very important to me.

"God, Abby, of course I like it! How could I not? You look beautiful" Susan replies enthusiastically. I can feel a deep blush creeping up my cheeks.

"The only thing I don't like is that you look better in my dress then I do" she adds.

"No, that's not true" I say quickly, and I mean it. I like the dress on me, but Susan looks just gorgeous in it.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Tonight this is your dress and it looks great on you. Seriously, I think John's going to faint when he sees you" she jokes.

"God, I hope not" I say laughing.

"You just have to put these on" Susan says, and she hands me the heels that I'm supposed to where under the dress. I put them on. I normally don't wear heels, so they're not very comfortable, but I guess I have to wear them. I walk around a little bit and I can feel my feet already.

"I'm not sure if these heels are such a good idea" I say to Susan, feeling sorry for my feet already.

"No, of course not, but you have to wear them. Beauty comes with a price" she says smiling at my painful face.

"Yeah well, beauty is overrated anyway" I say as I take them off. "Why do I have to wear them anyway? You can't even see them my dress is so long"

"True, but they look really beautiful on you and all other shoes you have are your sneakers, so…"

I look in the corner of the room and see my sneakers standing there. I've had them for about a year and they're very comfortable, but they don't go well under the dress.

"Fine" I sigh, as I put the heels back on. "I better start practicing now" and with that I start walking around in Susans room. Still two hours to go before John comes to pick me up, and I'm already nervous as hell. I hope everything is going to be great tonight.

…………………………

_A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. Mayor writers block and lack of time. This was supposed to be a longer chapter, but I decided to chop it into half. I'll try to finish the next one as soon as possible, but since my school started again yesterday, I can't promise anything. Also, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I have tons of ideas for this story, but getting them on paper (so to speak) is not that easy. I hope you'll bear with me. Let me know if you liked it or if you have any suggestions. Thanks!_


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